Christian Sex and Marriage: It's Complicated by Rebecca ReillyMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
I don't know where to start with this review. There are so many things I could write about every chapter but that would be too long and the author would probably be the only one reading it :)
Right off the bat and before I forget, I want to say that one of my favorite tips in the book is The Welcome Kiss, 10 secs to start your time together the right way. This is priceless.
One of the only cons I found is that there were no pictures:o. (Just kidding, that's what duckduckgo and bing are for) Okay, seriously, the only problem I had was with the chapter on nutrition. This is one of the most important chapters in the book because your diet is very important to your sexual health, but I went from thinking about sexual intimacy to a screeching halt and thinking about food. There probably was no better placement for that chapter, maybe it would have worked as an appendix, I don't know. It just derailed me there are bit. No biggie.
The fact that the author addressed oral sex is a big plus. There are adults that refuse or are misguided into thinking that subjects of a sexual nature are taboo. I'm specifically taking about pastors and elders in a church. So I'm especially grateful that this was addressed.
Sex and aging was also addressed which was good.
It was sad and at the same time eye-opening to read the stories sprinkled throughout the book of real people and their relationships. I found myself wondering how people could stay in relationships where they viewed each other as siblings; where sex occurred maybe 4 times a year; where the word orgasm wasn't part of their vocabulary. Then I remembered one relationship that I was in where something was said early in the relationship(4 months in) and little by little I lost all desire to have sex with this individual. We stayed together for 2 years.
There were chapters that thoroughly explained the incompatibility that couples experience and comes across as if they are speaking different languages. One of them dealt with how we speak and hear love. Wow. It seems simple. On the surface.
Some people may want to simplify and say that if there is communication, everything will be fine. Not necessarily, if you are communicating hateful things, everything isn't going to fine. Obviously it has to be constructive but above all honest.
Straight from the book...
"Intimacy requires communication. Both parties must be willing to bare all feelings, all fears, perceived inadequacies, anger, lack of trust and everything else".
How many of us communicate at this level? Are you prepared for it? If your spouse approached you after dinner and laid this on you, how would you react?
I love the exercises and conversation starters at the end of every chapter. These are excellent tips and actionable advice where you work on yourself and with your partner. Heck, one of the exercises even helped me with a non-romantic relationship.
Word of caution: Be prepared to deal with some of the answers to the conversations starters if done correctly and honestly.
What you hear may be a blow to your ego, but you (and it) will survive as your relationship gets better.
This is a book that deserves multiple reads, and meditation on the scriptures the author uses to support her ideas.
I received this book as a give-away and I'd like to thank goodreads and the author. To the author, I'd like to add that reading your book has been a blessing. From the exercises on evaluating oneself to the conversation starters and just an idea sections. I found myself truthfully answering some tough questions and guiltily putting others on hold for fear that I would not like the answers(I will get to them, eventually). I have a better picture of what I want in a relationship and a better idea of my role and responsibility in said relationship.
I recommend this book to anyone that wants a healthy relationship with a real person. If your sexual relationship leaves a lot to be desired, you needed this book last month. Get this even if you think your partner will resist change and start identifying the underlying issues and working on a plan to resolve them.
You don't need to believe that the intimacy in your relationship is in trouble to read this book. Just because there aren't any complaints doesn't mean there aren't any problems. It's never easy to tell your spouse that they're doing something wrong or not quite hitting the spot.
If it's already great, read this anyway, you may learn some new tricks.
Don't care for the religious aspect? then do what you normally do, roll your eyes, suck your teeth, just don't pass on this book because of some biblical scriptures(it won't kill you, promise;)). This may sound cliche but this book may even change your life. At the very least you can reaffirm that you have a healthy sexual relationship with your spouse. It may also keep you from the ramifications of adultery.
"In the course of your marriage, your spouse will inspire you to feel red-hot passion, uplifting joy, comforting laughter, burning resentment, dark anger, and debilitating boredom. Passion in marriages rises and drops. The more you work, and work together, the greater the heights and the shorter the falls."
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